Untruths

after Mullen

That nothing’s random. (Hear the laughter in man-
slaughter!) That I’m a reluctant Liberal.
That the best things in life are unrewarded.

That Bad Taste is tolerable, if it’s joking
At YOUR expense. That I’ve never yet
Lusted after sex and conversation

With the same person. That I’ve masturbated
Like a billion times, with no regrets,
But had sex with three women only — and —

Regret two-thirds of them. That death is long.
That, equally, I usually regret speech,
But never silence. That a growing pain

Is like a packed suitcase in the attic.
That dust gathers where you least expect it.
That I’ve lost, already, more than I can gain.

by Paul Abbott